Feels like it's been a lifetime since I've written in here. This entry will almost be for my health, just to see the journal continue on.

A lot has happened these past months. My world- the real, physical world that I live in, and my inner, psychological and spiritual world has changed greatly. I more or less live in Charlotte now. The cityscape of downtown, of the towering campus library off in the distance, are the things that appear familiar to me now. My diet has changed drastically. The things I have seen and experienced- two new good friends, Costa Rica, the more sane and optimistic mood of Charlotte, have changed my perspectives. My mental map is slowly changing too. I am no longer lost seeking my religious or cultural identity- I am beginning to find them, to learn about them, to understand them. The different languages that color my experience of the world are expanding in number and function. With English, Spanish, and Japanese, now comes familiar and yet distant tongues such as Hebrew and Arabic, along with completely new ones such as Hindi, Mandarin, Greek, and Vietnamese. All are becoming a regular part of the world I experience. New understandings of the intertwined workings of religion, politics, economy, culture, and history all add to my feelings about what I see. Increased is the realization of how relative these things are- all grey and with no black nor white. Finally, there is the understanding that I am shaping my own future, and the thrill at seeing the results of my attempts show themselves.

However, these things come to me fast. Already, my world is about to drastically change again, not for the better or worse, but just change. Japan is coming fast. A year in a new place. I have only been at UNCC for a year, and yet so much has already happened. What does Japan hold? What will happen to the friendships here? Already, one is distant, the other still strong, but both will be distanced in due time. Will they still hold after a year of being away? Will there still be a place for me in the future here? Will it no longer be able to accommodate my extra presence? Will I have changed so much that I can no longer accommodate it? What kind of world am I leaving for? What kind of world will I be returning to? Who will I be?

It is amazing to look back and read the anxiety, the depression, the anger, the hope of my own past journal entries. This journal began with a newly-formed adult anxious to build a future out of the ashes of the irresponsibility of others and his own self-defeating attitudes. Some things have not changed, such as the search for love and for clarity about the future. But things have come a long way. From the guy who entered a community college at the last second, still debating whether to drop that and join the military, to the guy nearing graduation from said community college after 3 years of hard work only to face the prospect of going no farther, to the guy filled with the astonishment of entering a 4 year college and going farther than could have been hoped for (or imagined.) And now another dream is coming true, Japan. I have learned a lot about the world, and myself in just these twelve months, and it now sounds silly and naive to label Japan simply as a "dream". And yet, that's what I'll continue to call it. Because a dream doesn't have to be perfect to be good.

In ten days, I'll be 22. Fully adult, no longer barely legal. In some aspects of the "traditional" life, I am far behind. In others, I'm somehow far ahead. Regardless, I still want to see where this ride ends. So stick around for the ride. There's still a lot to see.　また次回。

If anyone wonders why I never post, it's primarily because I'm always buried in papers. So, sorry about that.

At the moment I am waiting to see if I'll be accepted for study abroad in Oita, Japan. I'm not sure how long the selection process takes, nor when they'll contact me with the results. So I'm a little anxious about it.

We got our snow day yesterday here in Charlotte. Just short of two inches, and the immediately following sleet saw to it that it was promptly melted into brown sludge. Beautiful. I managed to lose my ID card in the chaos, and then had to pay for another today ($$...)


Not a real spectacular post, I know. This semester is too busy to concentrate on anything, but (assuming you're all still here) if I go to Japan in the fall, I'll definitely use this thing more often like I used to. By the way, I do still read my friends' entries regularly though.

PS: Zelda is great. Shalom.

So here's the obligatory school post. First, for anyone who wondered:

ANTH-2090 Intro to Linguistic Anthropology
ANTH-2141 Biological Anthropology
JAPN-2201 Intermediate Japanese I
RELS-2101 Western Traditions
RELS-2600 Approaches to the Study of Religion (PURE EVIL COURSE LOAD!!!)
RELS-3169 Zen Buddhism (taking as a directed studies course, so x4 the reading and writing)

It's nice to be taking something biology-related again. All of the stuff is fun, though the work makes the previous semester look like a joke (except for the 4000 level Linguistics class I took.) I'm also working like crazy to get everything finished for the study abroad application. I figure that working hard this semester will balance out, since Oita is supposed to be really easy. One semester of insane effort for two of relaxation in Japan isn't a bad tradeoff, at least in my opinion. As for non-school stuff, it's still really early, so no big news yet. Should be more club participation this time though, thanks to a better planned schedule.


Of course, all this other stuff is minor compared to what's really important about today. This day remembers Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., one of my personal heroes. Although there are still a lot of people out there that would prefer that he never had done anything, the rest of you can take a moment to appreciate the crazy sh*t he and others risked and did to make it possible for people to live with one another without constant violence or the legally-enforced treatment of all non-whites like barnyard animals. Naturally, there is still a lot of work to do. Mexicans, Muslims, homosexuals, and pretty much everyone who doesn't vote Republican still face problems from hate and general selfishness. We've also backslid a little since 2001. But be grateful for what progress has been made already in our country, and don't let the fire of these past warriors die out. You don't have to go out and take a bullet for the cause like Dr. King did, but at the very least, help to push back the darkness and try looking out for others.

Race doesn't cause violence; Religion doesn't cause violence. Intolerance does. Quit trying to be hard, and love your neighbor a little more. Even if you don't love a particular group of people, you can at least see where they are coming from and appreciate them at least a little for it. That's how hate is cured. Shalom.

This is really lame, but the Wii is bad-ass. Even Wii Sports, which I thought would be stupid (because I hate sports games because you're not really playing,) is awesome. No actually, it's really awesome, because you play exactly how you would in real life (minus running.) You have to swing and time the ball in baseball exactly how you do in real life. You have to bob, weave, and keep good timing in boxing, in addition to the standard jabs and punches. Even f*cking bowling is realistic, with you pulling up the ball and then rolling it just right at the pins just like in real life. What is so bizarre is that I'm not talking about mashing buttons here. You really can't even play this thing sitting down, because you have to be in the proper stances for golf, baseball, etc. standing up, and with proper room to swing, etc. You use one or both remote-type devices to play, and they are motion-sensitive. So when I say you swing the bat, I really mean you hold the remote just like a bat, wait for the ball to near the plate, and swing just at the right time with the right angle. Swing too far to the left depending on the pitch-type, and you'll hit a foul-ball. You can even get tennis-elbow from not playing properly.

Understand, me of all people would not be hyping this thing as a substitute for actually playing these sports in real life. But as something to do on bad weather days (or with me, after I have just finished running on a bad weather day) or better yet, with friends, this is pimp precisely because you are not sitting on a couch, pushing buttons. You're standing up, going through the physical motions just like you would in the real sports. I think this is the ultimate party game, really. And as a weird bonus, you get to create on your Wii the characters used for playing, using a strange application that allows you to customize the physical appearances of little avatars called "Mii"s. Make nine, and you have enough for your baseball team.


It's strange to post about something like this, but it was so different from anything I'd previously seen in video gaming that I had to say something. Classes pick up tomorrow, with intermediate Japanese up first, so wish me luck. Shalom.

What is your favorite bricklaying pattern? : Is this a basketball question?
How do you like your paper products? : Biodegradable, so I can destroy the evidence.
Who is your favorite oppressive dictator? : Pat Robertson
Who is your favorite Flemish anatomist? : I have to choose?
What is the most sadistic SAT question you have ever come across? : I didn't take no SAT, mutha fucka...
Who is the last person you talked to? : Jeno
Who is the last person you sort of wanted to punch in the face, but decided not to because you don’t believe in violence? : Simara, for erasing my game saves.
Is there something you just can’t wait to do? : Get back into Japanese class.
Can you feel the love tonight? : There's no love here.
Where is life better? : On the other side of love.
Do you find vague references to Disney movies irritating? : Diz-nee...?
What letter is Florida shaped like? : Nothing in English...
List three of your heros in descending order: I don't have heroes, just people I think were bad-ass. 3.) Miyamoto Musashi; 2.) Rumi a.k.a. Molavi; 1.) Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Who is your favorite pope? : The only one that didn't enjoy slaughtering Jews- John Paul II
Favorite cloud formation? : Eye wall
favorite obscure sounding color name? : Cerulean
Who is the last person you disagreed with about the fabric of the universe? : Jeno
favorite bone : Pubic symphysis.
Who is the last person to whom you said the following: "Your eyes are like deep pools of rich chocolatey pudding"? : Haven't yet had the pleasure...
Favorite pretentious sounding latin term?: Emesis
Favorite Greek deity? : Orion
Favorite Roman deity? : Ceres
Favorite mythological creature? : The Leviathan
When is the last time you fell down a flight of stairs? : Can't remember, but have had a few close slips.
Favorite rhetorical device? : the antithesis
Best pirate flag? : Rising Sun
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? : Is this a math problem?...
Favorite book of the Bible? : Psalms
What is your phobia? : Chibis
What is your mania? : I can't stop training.
If Barbara Walters is being herself, but no one is around to be annoyed by her, would she still be annoying? : Yes, to herself.
Is the glass half full or half empty? : Depends on what's in it.
What is the most random thing you can come up with at the moment? : Shaft's one bad mutha f-...

皆、恭賀新年！/Everyone, Happy New Years!

2006 was weird, what else can I say? This time last year, I was on break from FTCC, wondering what the fudge I was going to do. Since then, I pulled a 28 credit hour semester, then summer school, and finally made it to a 4 year. My Japanese has gone from simple street slang to include some semi-educated grammar. I could only run 3 miles at the most, now I can push 10 if I hoof it. These were all New Years resolutions that came true. Two of 'em did not, however. I didn't visit any new countries, and I'm still single.

So, my 2007 resolution list goes something like this:
☆Set foot in Japan, with extra points for additional places.
☆Maintain my regimen of at least 6 miles every other day.
☆Increase Japanese ability to a level good enough for reading simple novels.
☆Get laid. (KIDDING.) Get a significant other by the winter holidays.
☆Find a better balance between being compassionate and being wise to manipulation.

Most of these are lame, but they're all stuff I want to work on. 2007 should be interesting, regardless. Many of you will graduate from high school this year. Some of you will make the transfer from your current community or 4 year college to newer and better prospects. Some of you will enter the workforce or active military service. Some of you will start new relationships, further cultivate current relationships, or finally end bad relationships this year. Some of you might even realize dreams.

I can't guess what things will be like by this time next year, or even if I'll still be breathing by then. But what the hell everyone, let's all give it our best shot. Here's to a bad-ass 2007. Mazel Tov!

Gather 'round kiddies, it's time for another Japanese lesson. This post, we'll be looking at 関西弁 (Kansai-Ben) in all of its brash and obscene glory. (For those who don't know, this is the dialect found roughly around Osaka, Kobe, Kyoto, etc. I'll be especially looking at the Osaka variety.)

The focus of Kansai-ben is to be as down-to-earth and in-your-face as possible. That Tokyo-influenced crap they teach in school is too uppity and bourgeoisie for Kansai speakers. So this stuff is a little less "polite" than what you'll hear in class. Also, most Tokyo speakers won't have any idea what you are saying, for the most part.

Here we go...

Japanese: お前、言いたいことあるんなら、ゆうてみい。
Japanese: Omae, iitai koto arun na, yuute mii!
Direct translation: You (rough), say something if, say it!
Means: Hey buddy, if you've got something to say to me, say it!

People who are a little familiar with standard Japanese will notice that some words are written like usual, but pronounced or used differently. 言いって (iitte) changing into ゆうて (yuute), in particular.

Japanese: あいつ、泣かしたろか？
Japanese: Aitsu, nakashitaro ka?
Direct translation: That guy, going to make scream, yeah?
Means: I'm going to make that guy scream.


Japanese: まあ、ぼちぼちやな。
Japanese: Maa, bochi bochi ya na.
Direct: Well, so so it is, right.
Means: Well, it's getting there...

This is really popular for indicating in a humble way that something is not quite there yet, or so so. For instance, "How is your Japanese coming?" "Well, it's getting there..." "How's your project going?" "Well, it's moving along slowly."

And finally, an intro into Kansai-ben cannot end without a taste of Osaka's answer to the word 'baka', or idiot.

Japanese: お前ら、アホやなあ。
Japanese: Omaera, aho ya naa.
Direct: You (rough, plural), idiot is right(?)
Means: You guys are pretty stupid.

Couple things going on here. In Kansai-ben, ら (-ra) can replace 達 (-tachi) as a plural indicator. Next is our five dollar word for idiot, アホ (aho). Lastly, や (ya) is the Kansai equivalent for the standard だ (da), which for you polite-speakers, is the contracted form of です (desu). Notice that the な is dragged out to なあ (having the same basic meaning as the standard version.)

These examples were ripped from Colloquial Kansai Japanese, by DC Palter and Kaoru Slotsve. I just picked up this book from Amazon for a few bucks, and it is pimp. Have fun with these examples, because Japanese teachers cannot stand Kansai-ben in their classes. 楽しんで。

I know most of you aren't Jewish, but you'll all wish me Merry Christmas in a few weeks regardless, so...


Have a Blessed Hanukkah Everybody!


Stuff your face with a few potato pancakes for me...

Looking at my online payment account for UNCC, I noticed that this spring I am being billed $1,355 for a meal plan AGAIN... I payed $1,355 the first time assuming that 1.) It would last the entire time here and 2.) I would be eating a lot of UNCC food. Neither of those assumptions held out apparently. I cook everything myself, and the meal plan (while carrying over the leftover cash into the spring) nevertheless MUST be renewed again since I am living in a high rise. Are they out of their minds!? The only way to get out of this is to move into some other type of campus apartment housing, or leave campus housing all together. I'm not paying another 1K plus for something I'm not going to even use. And in case you were wondering, NO, THERE ARE NO REFUNDS.

Any advice out there? There's still time to change my housing situation (though I'd have to do it fast.)

I finally joined FaceBook, so a bunch of invites are waiting for people... Check yours.

This may come off as a little stupid, but though I keep in contact with many of you occasionally, the truth is that I'm not around anymore long enough to really know what's going on in your respective lives. So, in regard to the coming holidays (and the gift giving that it entails...)

I'm not going to be the classic stereotypical clueless middle-aged dad and flat out ask what each of you want. That, as has been pointed out in the past, is lame. The point of gift giving during the holidays is to maintain a level of spontaneity and surprise. No one wants to be directly told what is going down ahead of time. But since I've been absent, a lot has probably changed. Interests may have shifted, maturity levels may have risen (or dropped...) So what I'm going to ask is this:


Being as general or specific as you wanna be, where are your interests at right now? Is there something that you are really into, interested in trying or learning more about, or just curious about? Maybe there's something in particular that you've kind of been looking at, but could never spare the money to get when there's so much else that has to be taken care of? Maybe you've realized that your regular stock of art markers, skate board wheels, CD player batteries, raw shrimp-flavored ramen, or weird-ass fluffy pink sewing materials has dwindled down? Maybe you're just flat broke and have to pay for some crazy school fee or AP book for the spring but can't?

That's the kind of info that I want to know. Even though many of you don't have the time, or just like to lurk here, I want to see some details explained in the comments section to this post from each of you. Thankx.

For some reason, I can't think of things to discuss on here. Dunno why... So I'm going to use this for random banter in Japanese. Anyone who wants to talk in English can still feel free though.

先生の教職：「ビールを飲みながら、運転しても良いですか。」と言いました。彼女はアルコール問題持つと思う。多分、俺の責任をだ。俺が提案した。

「Study Abroad」は、混気持ちをある。たくさん英語クラスをない、だから「credit transfer」は可能性をだかも知れない。実は、そんなの方を好んだった。日本語クラスがもっと良い言葉経験を上げる。たくさん質問を余る。しかし、遣り甲斐だ。

中国と日本の禅仏教を勉強している。おもしろいだよ。「Jesuit missionaries」は、もうおもしろいだ。年々、二つ団体が戦かって。鉄砲と刀を利用しない、論理を利用したの代わりに。やっぱり、「Jesuit missionaries」が負けった。しかし、認めなかった。「Sore losers」だって、俺が思う。それは変な歴史だ。Check it out...

今、十二月だ。昨日、「６５°F」だって。何だぞ？！好きだ、でも変わっただ。明日、寒いになる。でも、丸一週間が良いだって。それは、ノースカロライナだ、推測する...

皆、頑張って。またな。

I'm coming back to lovely Fayettenam tomorrow night (Friday.) So that means I can help with the drill meet if it is still possible. I'm looking forward to seeing many of you when I return.

P.S.: Moroccan chicas son muy bonitas.

That is all.

On women and cats:

"Women are like cats. They like your company only when they feel like it. Additionally, they can be tender and let you love them, but they can also viciously scratch up your hands."

"So what are men?"

"Men are like dogs. Some can be wise and dependable, but most just slobber and sh*t all over the place..."


On myself:

"My personality is a lot like water. It tends to go with the flow and stay fluid rather than become rock-like and rigid. You cannot break water with a hammer, but the brick you can. When the pressure is increased, it goes faster. When depression sets in, it becomes withdrawn and iced over, frozen motionless. But warmth can always melt and make it flow again. When it becomes too angry or stressed, it evaporates like steam, and through humiliation, is chilled and brought back down to earth again. No matter how steep the angle, or how sharp the rocks, it agilely splashes around obstacles. But left on flat, motionless ground, it stagnates."


On life:
"I have plenty of curry sauce, but I'm out of nan..."

This might be interesting for some. UNC Charlotte's Japanese department is plotting to introduce Japanese as a major! It's still in the works, and red-tape in the college setting can be a b*tch, so the tentative start date would be in about two years. But it means that you could get that nice govt. language grant to help pay for it too. This might help some of you who were thinking about doing a little Japanese study along with whatever else when you got to 4 year college.

Since I am most likely going to Japan for a year-long study abroad run next fall, I would be coming back for my last semester or two at about this time. Translation: if it's up and running when I get back, it's going to become one of my double majors (I'd already have almost all the classes needed for it from study abroad anyway...) Best of all, I would be allowed to do grad work for Japanese if I had a full BA instead of just a minor.


This is what I mean about UNCC growing. There are lots of budget problems, so there are always speed bumps, but stuff is still happening here. Take that, Chapel Hill...

All I eat anymore is fruit, spinach, nan, and curry sauce. Something is seriously wrong with me...


Less and less of you use live journal, so I think I'm doing this more for my health than anything. Things have been pretty erratic lately. Study, exercise, eating, everything. Sometimes it seems like I'm finally back on track with running, then it slides. Sometimes I'm eating right, other times I just put off eating. Sometimes I feel like I am doing well in Japanese, other times I just feel like everything is going to hell. My mind is doing the same back-and-forth thing, and it's nerve-racking. Hopeful, depressed. Hopeful, depressed. Enough already...

It just seems like there is as much back sliding as there is progress. Right now, I am fighting with the UNCC Registrar's office. They've placed a hold on my record and won't let me register for classes anymore. They are demanding a diploma from FTCC. Well, I've got the diploma (back in Fayetteville, if the mail did not lose it) but FTCC cannot be bothered to send a final transcript. Even the Dean asked the FTCC Registrar to send one, but they claim they must have my signature. I try to fax it to them, and send several emails asking if they ever got the fax- and nothing. They don't give out a phone number, so I can't try to call them either... Meanwhile, the UNCC Registrar wants me to drop out until I can get them the transcript. All Registrar's offices should be disbanded and exiled to the ends of the earth. If you've read my past entries, then you know that they cause nothing but trouble...


I guess that I'm just not getting enough human interaction up here. Talking to people has always been my rehabilitative medicine, and short of brief classroom exchanges, there's not much of it. Even though I come off to most people as being reclusive or quiet, I am actually a people person. But my efforts toward connecting with people are suffering from the same move-foward-move-back problem. I join a club, schedule changes so that I have class during the time. This has happened with four different clubs. I am now only in one out of the original five. With the English speaking partner thing, his schedule gets racked with speeches and homework (which take him longer to prepare for because of the language barrier) so there's no time to hang out. The list goes on... But this is really messing me up. If I had people to regularly talk to, then I could make it. That's how I move forward in life- I share it with others.

There is a lot of good going on right now, even if this entry does not sound like it. I'm just struggling with the stress from loneliness thing, so it sounds bad because my mind is clogged with it. It's funny, because I appreciate being able to talk to old friends via email, phone, whatever, for the purposes of keeping in touch. But the truth is, it does nothing for me therapeutically. I have to be face-to-face with a person to feel a bond with them, to feel that connection.


That's about it, I guess. Animate, I was wondering what you thought of the band m-flo. I think they're interesting in a funky kind of way. Everybody take care. 良い命を持って。じゃな。

They're watching you always... And they caused me to post this late (or that's my official excuse, anyway...)

None the less, Happy Birthday, Simara!


And stay away from strange boxes...

As sometimes happens when you spend a great deal of your days alone, I have suddenly realized another shocking idea...

Everyone has heard the belief that life is what you make it. We all know that. Many (especially me) have trouble actually living that way, but we are all at least familiar with it. But for those who no longer have the courage to see things that way, taking action is like a distant dream. However...

Did you ever think about something more immediate than trying to physically re-shape your life? How about how you actually interpret the things that already are? Let's pretend that with your wounded psyche (maybe you are anorexic, terminally depressed, or some other mental state that prevents trying to change your own life because your idea of how to do so is flawed in itself) you are not able to recognize even what the right action would be. An anorexic would say, "Starve myself even less,"; a depression case, "Try even harder to reach death." These people obviously are not capable of taking action, because that action would only make things worse. So that's where interpretation comes in.

In my case, my problem involves identity. A major part of this is interaction with people- or specifically, a concern about a lack of... So I worry frequently about people. I need people- for friendship, for relationship, for looking after and taking care of. But I've let this concern become a big thing. Not having friends in my area, having limited or even no contact with my friends in my home area- these all have transformed into something that is constantly on my mind all the time. Right now, I don't yet have any constant, close friends in Charlotte, and I hear from Fayetteville less and less. In Acid & Neko's case, it's been months. And it's really sad.

But just yesterday, something dawned on me. It wasn't some 'out of the blue, never been thought of thing', in fact, I view most of my life (food acquisition, money, losing loved ones to death, etc.) this way. For some reason though, I had never connected this idea with the living. So here it is:
Instead of lamenting the lack of, or disconnection from, people important to you, treasure what contact you do receive, treasure what connection you've had with, the people important to you.
And that changed everything. Because even though none of them are close, I do at least have contact with people here, and it is enjoyable. Because even though I can't see or talk to them now, my close friends back home still do exist, and the times before with them are lasting memories.

With this, I have remembered to appreciate another precious commodity- one that often disappears just as quickly as it reveals itself- human fellowship. How long did it take me to understand this? At least I understand it now, while I can enjoy the fruits of it. The real tragedy is all the wasted time I spent agonizing in ignorance.


Outlook is everything...

I finally gave in and got a digital camera. For $240, this thing is amazing. So with out further ado...


( Read more... )


These were taken on a Saturday afternoon (except the last one), so that's why there are few if no people in them. I plan to get some more pictures at the International Festival at the end of the upcoming week, so stay tuned if you want to see people from around the world stuffing their faces.

Also, I had my first kendo practice. Although everything seems so counter-intuitive, I'm going to stay with it for now. Even if only for knowing how to better fight other kendo practitioners, I think I can learn some things there. Also, I'm getting started with organizing my stuff for study abroad. More on that later too.


Everybody take care and enjoy your week. またな。